Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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