strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
