Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
