next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
