Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
