Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
