all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
