he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
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