Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
