My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
