you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
