genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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