The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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