we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
