allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
