His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
