After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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