Your tits are I can't wait for
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
