Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
