How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize