having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
