I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize