A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
