Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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