so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
