I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
