You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
