just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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