we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
