Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
