Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
