wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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