I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
