He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
