Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
