I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
