ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
