Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
