around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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