Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
