none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
