R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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