yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
