just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
