smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize