I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
