Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Randomize
