FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
