Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
