I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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