I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
