I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
