hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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