You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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