Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
