a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
