**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
