I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize