Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The air was thick with penises
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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