Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
ugly people sure do ruin things
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
