Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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