Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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