they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
