Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
