At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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