So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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